she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
