I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
