Sry I called you an 8
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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