i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
