Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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