I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
