I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
