I heard we made out
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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