sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
