I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
