Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
