I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
