i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
