bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
