you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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