I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Boobs speak an international language.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your penis caused this!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
