okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
