Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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