sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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