I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
