my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
