I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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