mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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