Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
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it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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