Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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