dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
