he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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