Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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