Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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