Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
