careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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