My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
