I wish my penis had an off switch
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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