something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
