Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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