Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I look better un-naked...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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