ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
