I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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