Your face is a jimmy john
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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