I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
