She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
