Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
