it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
