loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
