It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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