Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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