It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
