On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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