I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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