Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
