I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
