I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
