How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
