Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
