I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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