...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
nutella sex= disaster
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
