My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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