I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
