I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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