I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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