I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize