who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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