So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
