I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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