HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
