We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Damn victory sex feels great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
