I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it because I queefed?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
