Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just googled if crying burns calories
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
