phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Someone came in the potted fern
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
