if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
