I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
