i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
