Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
