When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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