when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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