I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
