"it" just moved
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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