i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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