I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
