I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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